Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
