Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
