He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
