I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
