insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
