I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
He felt like a one man threesome
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
