In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
