how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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