Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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