i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
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