I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
