Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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