Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Randomize
