Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
