Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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