I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
