She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
you made out with another girl for some wings
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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