you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
