Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
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