Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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