He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
