I am full of burrito and curiosity
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
