Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
BRING THE BAGELS
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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