Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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