I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Randomize
