saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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