I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
