I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
