Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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