Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
