i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize