So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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