Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
