do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
