I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
there is puke in my bra ... again
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
