why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Princesses don't give blow jobs
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Randomize
