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I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize
