Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
