Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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