If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
