Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
