You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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