covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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