i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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