booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
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