Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
