you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
