Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
