I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
