we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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