This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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