I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
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