Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Randomize
