Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
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