Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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