Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
He did a backflip because drugs
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
