am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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