dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
