i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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