i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize