She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
God gave him joint rollers for hands
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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