No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Randomize
