I need help removing her.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
