Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
